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No-one has ever seen me outside this country. I have no birth certificate, no driving licence and no passport. For my last contract I was paid with one ‘flowing hair’ silver dollar. Approximately 10 million dollars, I kept it, I didn’t need the money… If you’d like to see it, I will post a photo if I can be arsed.

HOW ARE YOU MR CAUSTON?

mustn’t grumble Mr death. Still not dead!

AND YOU ARE NOT SURPRISED TO SEE ME?

Mr death , I am never surprised to see you. I see you on every human face!

AND YOU ARE STILL NOT SCARED, ARE YOU?

when you come for me Mr death, I will be ready to go.and when we reach the Great Black Desert, there will be no ghosts to haunt me. There are no angry souls looking for me!

‘I put my lipstick on every time I leave the house, so when the sniper kills me he knows he has killed a beautiful woman!’

The girl I lived with was poking me….

Look I’ve got some puff!

That’s a bit odd, neither of has any money, where did you get that from?

Hours later she admitted, she went to chant with someone and while the woman was chanting, she stole her money.

When her mum was teaching history in Sydney, she stole all her jewelry and tried to get me to pawn it.

So, let me get this straight, your mum taught me buddhism and you think I can rob her?

I knew I was in trouble, when I looking for a piece of paper and she had left herself a note,’Paul owes me £1.59…

You can chant all you like, that isn’t buddhism.
A wise man once told me. Words aren’t slander, intent is slander.

How do you make such perfect toast?
It is never burnt, there is never too much butter or too much marmite.

Maybe I just try hard…

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